The Secrets We Keep
by Cylina Nightshade
Summary: Edward has a secret. Edward's secret is that he is actually a she. Unfortunately a certain Colonel found out about said secret. (Roy/fem!Ed)
1. Prologue

Description: Edward has a secret. Edward's secret is that _he_ is actually a _she_. Unfortunately a certain Colonel found out about said secret. (Roy/fem!Ed)

Rating: T

Stuff: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist

World: Loosely based on the first anime.

Warnings: Language

* * *

Prologue

Trisha Elric knew. Call it a mother's intuition or whatever you like, but she just knew. Van tried to convince her that you couldn't really know, but he was wrong. She knew the child she was carrying was a boy.

"Ok, remember to breath now."

And since she knew, she decided on the name Edward. She's always loved the name Edward, and it would make the perfect name for her son.

"Just a bit longer now, you can do it."

Trisha tried to ignore the pain. She's been waiting for months to meet her Edward and it was finally going to come to pass. She closed her eyes and continued to push.

"Congratulations! And what a healthy baby! What name did you pick out?"

Trisha kept her eyes closed, basking in the joy of the moment while she replied.

"Edward?"

Trisha didn't know why the midwife sounded surprised. What's wrong with the name Edward? Van was trying to get her attention, but she was too distracted by the midwife questioning her choice. She opened her eyes and gazed sternly into the eyes of the midwife. "Yes, Edward."

"...Ok, Edward it is!" The midwife handed over the baby to the waiting mother.

Trisha smiled. She was finally going to meet her Edward. She looked down to meet the lovely gold eyes...

...of her daughter.

Well, Trisha has always loved the name Edward.

* * *

**-x-**

* * *

-Author's Note-

First off, thanks for reading!

I'm going to be putting my author's notes at the bottom so people who don't feel like reading my wall-o-text can just scroll past them easier.

This is my first fic ever so hopefully it doesn't suck too bad. I generally hate gender swap fics myself because they make the char so OOC. So hopefully my Edward doesn't become whiny, crybaby Mary Sue-ish. I fear the simple fact that I made him a girl makes him more inclined for Mary Sue-ness, but I'll try to keep it in check.

I'm not gonna beg for reviews, but I do request that if you feel the need to post that my story sucks, at least post why. If you don't give a reason then I'll just assume it's a bad attempt at trolling.

Also, for Gate's sake please tell me if there are any errors (_especially_ grammar and spelling errors). Coming across errors when reading fics annoys the fuck outta me so I certainly wouldn't want them in my own fic.

Finally, I'm making no promises on any sort of update schedule. I will at least try to finish the story, because the last thing the world of fics needs is another story that lacks an ending, but I also am easily distracted and may end up just reading fics instead of writing my own half the time. This story is in no way fully planned out at the moment though, so we'll get to see where it goes together. ;)


	2. Chapter 1 - Roy's Secret

Rating: T

Stuff: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist

Warnings: Language, Threat of Rape, OC, Innuendo, Same Sex Romantic Interest, Lewdness

* * *

Chapter 1

_Roy's Secret_

Alphonse Elric had often wondered if their mother was able to see the future.

The door slammed open with a resounding BANG from being kicked with a boot-clad automail foot. "Hey! Colonel Bastard! I thought I told you to send me on a good mission this time!"

Al often wondered how their mother could have picked such an oddly perfect name for his sister. He wondered if their mother somehow knew that as soon as Al was old enough to learn how to talk, his sister would be forcing him to call her "brother".

Edward flopped down inelegantly on one of Colonel Mustang's couches. "Those researchers wouldn't be able to tell their ass from a hole in the ground! Half those research reports were simply made-up shit and the other half were idiotic theories I could have disproved when I was five!"

Mustang pinched the bridge of his nose. "I told you we didn't know if it would be useful or not, just that the research sounded promising." He paused a moment, a smirk appearing just before continuing, "You don't have to get so _short_ with me about it."

Edward lept from the couch. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT AN ELEPHANT WOULD MISTAKE THEM FOR A MOUSE AND TRY TO STOMP ON THEM!?"

At this point Ed made the mistake of making eye contact with Mustang, something she had been specifically avoiding from the moment she had entered his office. A faint blush dusted her cheeks and she quickly spun around so her back was facing the man and crossed her arms. "I'm heading back to my room. Find me a mission that won't be a waste of fucking time." She started to walk to the door.

"Fullmetal, I haven't officially dismissed you yet."

She paused. Al inwardly grinned just a bit as he saw his sister take a calming breath before turning to face the dark haired Colonel.

"Alright, Bastard, what are you waiting for?"

Mustang smirked once again. "Nothing. You're dismissed."

"Come on, Al," she said as she finally left the room. Al stayed behind just long enough for a short "See you later, Colonel Mustang," before following after his sister.

* * *

Roy's smirk smoothed into as smile as he watched the blonde alchemist storm out of his office. _Edward's always so cute when he's angry._ The smile shifted slightly into a frown as he registered the thought in his head.

The thoughts were becoming unnervingly more frequent. Roy had much higher aspirations in the military; he couldn't get tangled up with a questionable relationship. Just the fact that Edward was his subordinate could cause problems. Then there was the nearly 15 year age gap. That little tidbit would raise eyebrows in both the military and with the civilians, and while most people in the military wouldn't need to worry about the opinions of the civilians, someone who was aiming for fuhrer had to keep them in mind. Last but assuredly not least there was the little fact of Edward being a man. Roy had never had any inclination to take a man to bed before. He was Roy Mustang! He was an unquestionable lady's man, a veritable man about town. Of all things, Roy Mustang certainly didn't think his much younger _male_ subordinate was cute.

_Maybe I'll give what's-her-name a call. Lyssandra? The one who snuck her number onto the bill when I was out last friday with Jessamine. The nicely bosomed brunette waitress. She was certainly cute enough._With the tentative plans made for his evening, Roy quickly picked up the phone to put them into action.

* * *

"Ugh! Why's that bastard have to have that damn annoying smirk all the time!?" Edward groused once she and Al were back in their room.

"Because he knows you find it annoying, Brother. Though I remember last time you called it a 'damn sexy smirk'." If a suit of armor could grin, Al would have been grinning from ear to ear while he said that.

Al had just a millisecond head notice before stopping an automail fist to his face.

"You're such a traitor!" Ed yelled while following her punch with a kick directed at her brother, which Al, of course, dodged. Grinning, she continued her assault. "Teasing your own brother about something like that! I knew I never should have told you anything!"

They continued their sparring for another 10 minutes before Ed flopped down on her bed laughing. Her brother sat down on the bed next to her. He was quiet in thought for a moment before asking, "Are you ever going to tell him?"

Edward rolled on her side so she was facing her brother. "Tell who?"

"Colonel Mustang of course."

Ed snorted. "Hah! Tell the bastard!? Yeah right! Could you imagine the fucking smirk on his face if he ever found out? It'd be like the king of smirks!" She laughed some more trying to imagine "the king of smirks" gracing Mustang's face.

Al giggled along with her. "You never know though. What if he likes you back?"

Ed performed an overly dramatic shudder. "Me and the bastard? That'd be crazy!" She laughed yet again. "I bet we'd kill each other on our first date! Now if I hurry I bet I can still make it to the library before it closes. I need to see if they have a copy of the book that one researcher mentioned. The rest of those guys were idiots but I think he was just putting up with them for a paycheck. Maybe he at least knew what he was talking about." And with that she was up and practically through the door before her brother had a chance to even stand.

Alphonse decided he could fix the desk they broke during their sparring when he got back and hurried after his sister.

* * *

Edward jumped down the last few steps book in hand. She had left Al back in the library talking to the librarian. She had tried to convince him to just ignore the woman, but he had said something about it being rude to just ignore people and turned to talk with her. It's not like it was going to be anything important. The librarians are always trying to get Ed to actually sign out the books she borrows, but who really has time for that? They surely knew who she was by now so it's not like some stranger was walking off with a book, and she did always return them… not always on time but still.

Ed took a quick glance back over her shoulder to check that her brother was still talking with the mildly irate woman. _Since he's distracted that means I can take the shortcut back to the dorms!_She grinned to herself and quickly headed off to the alleyway. The back alleys made a somewhat zig-zag pattern cutting across the city blocks toward the military headquarters. They cut the walk time nearly in half, but unfortunately her brother was always opposed to the shortcut. Something about it not being safe to be in dank alleys especially at night, but really, what did she do that was ever actually safe? So she took the shortcut whenever her brother wasn't around to stop her.

As she neared the first of many bends in the path, she heard voices from around the corner.

"Come on, baby, don't look so frightened. We're just gonna take this nice and slow and enjoy ourselves, aren't we?"

Edward could only hear a muffled reply, but it certainly didn't sound like an affirmative. She slowed as she reached the corner and carefully peeked around the wall. She saw a woman in her low twenties surrounded by three decidedly unfriendly looking men. One of the men had his hand around her wrists pinning her arms behind her back and his other hand covering her mouth. A man with oily shoulder length tan hair was standing to the side looking on. The last, black spiked hair with red dyed tips, was leering at the woman as he ran a finger along her jaw in a profane facsimile of affection.

Red tips continued, "You never know. You may even like it."

At the teary-eyed look of fear and revulsion coming from the poor woman, Edward decided she had seen enough and promptly jumped out from around the corner. She swiftly tossed her book as hard as she could at the tan haired man and immediately followed with a charge towards them. The book hit the man squarely in the face with it's spine. Edward had just enough time to smirk at the fact that it accomplished breaking his nose before she reached her target. Red tips had started to turn towards her as soon as he heard the noise of her approach, and barely had time to even register what was happening before Edward kneed him in the groin with her automail leg. With two of the three men out of commision for now, she turned to the third. He still held the woman captive, but was glancing side to side trying to find an escape while he cowered behind her. Ed clapped her hands lightly and with a flash of blue light, turned the automail hand into her preferred blade. While the man was still focused more on deciding which way to run, in one smooth motion she stabbed the arm that was covering the woman's mouth and pulled the woman out of the now thoroughly distracted man's grip.

Edward jumped back a bit and contemplated her next move. She really wanted to pound these creeps to the ground, but then a quiet sniffle from the woman beside her made her decision for her. She quickly scooped up her book, grabbed the woman's hand, and ran in the direction towards the dorms, leaving the men in the alley to nurse their wounds.

* * *

Once they finally made it out of the alley and onto a much busier street, Edward subsequently paused in her headlong run. She didn't need a rest, but the poor woman being dragged behind her was distinctly out of breath. Ed let go of her hand and waited patiently for her to catch her breath. Eventually the woman's panting evened out into a more normal breathing pattern and she glanced up to Edward, smiled and ask, "Do you often save women in random back alleys?"

"Not normally. No."

The woman eyed her up and down; her smile becoming marginally larger. "So, that must make this a special occurrence for you."

Edward didn't really know what the woman was getting at so she just stayed silent.

"Well, can I at least know the name of the guardian angel fate has presented me with today?"

"We can talk and walk at the same time. While I highly doubt those men would want to go a second round with me, it would certainly be easier to just avoid another meeting entirely. I'll walk you home if you point out which way it is."

The woman looked delighted and pointed to her left. "It's a few blocks that way and to the right. Just past the border of the military headquarters."

Edward started walking in the direction she indicated. As the woman caught up to walk alongside her she finally responded to the earlier question. "Edward Elric."

At this, the woman stopped walking again. "_The_ Edward Elric? The Fullmetal Alchemist?"

Ed grinned. "Guess you've heard of me."

The woman gave an unmistakably open mouthed stare until she finally caught herself, took a breath, and composed her features. She smiled once again and resumed walking. "Heard of you? Of course I've heard of the People's Alchemist! Who hasn't? I can't believe I actually got saved by_the_ Edward Elric!"

While Ed generally loved when people complimented her, she had to admit to herself that this woman seemed a bit odd. Though it didn't matter that much. She was going to make sure this woman got home safely and then she'll never see her again.

"I'm Lydia by the way."

Edward nodded and continued walking in the designated direction.

"Where's your brother? Aren't you always with your brother?"

Ed glanced sideways at her, wondering if she really should be telling this woman about her brother. She didn't really know this woman and Lydia was already acting awfully friendly, but she figured she couldn't be _that _much of a threat. "I left him back at the library."

"Oh, that's a shame."

Edward wondered why her tone didn't really match her words.

"Turn right here. My apartment complex is the next one over."

The two made it to Lydia's building and up the stairs to her apartment. Standing outside her door she paused and graced Edward with another one of her grins. "Thank you for everything today. I honestly don't want to imagine what would have happened if you didn't come by when you did." At this the woman stopped talking for a moment and her smile wavered. She resumed her smile an instant later and continued, "I fear words aren't nearly enough to thank you properly." She leaned forward slightly, invading Edward's personal space. "Would you like to come in for some coffee?"

Edward didn't really know how coffee of all things was suppose to "thank a person properly", but she knew she didn't have time for it even if she did love coffee. She was already in for a lecture from her little brother when she got back to the dorms. He was bound to know she took the shortcut when she left the library without him. If she took too long he'd think she'd gone missing or something and then she'd REALLY be in for a lecture when he saw her next. "No, thanks. I really should be getting back soon."

Lydia placed one of her hands lightly on Edward's upper arm, and tilted her head to the side just slightly. "No really, I insist. You should come inside." She said the last line with a sparkle in her eyes that Edward didn't know what to make of.

"I'm sorry, but if I don't get back soon then my brother will probably think I've gone missing. I'm sure he already is building up one hell of a lecture for me. I just want to get back before he worries to the point of deciding to call the Bastard and getting him involved. Thanks for the offer but I'm not interested." With that said, Edward turned and hurried back to her dorm.

* * *

The next morning Edward walked through the door to the outer office at work, plainly upset that her brother was following her.

"Now, Brother, remember, I'll be back here after your shift to pick you up so don't leave without me."

Edward's only reply was to send a glare her brother's way. She could already make out a few muffled snickers from the other people in the room. Alphonse gave a greeting to the remaining people in the room and quickly turned to leave, probably to head to the library, or to pick up more cats. Actually, yeah, definitely to go find more cats.

Havoc let loose a boisterous guffaw before asking, "So whatdya do this time, Boss?"

Ed's glare shifted to him.

"Aw, come on. Don't be like that. We all know Al only escorts you to and from work when he thinks you need a babysitter. You did something to upset him again."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A BABY!?" She noticed that her outburst was only making the rest of the members in the room have an even harder time restraining their laughter. She walked to an empty office chair and flopped down. "I just got waylaid on my way back to the dorm last night and he overreacted. He was all yelling at me for being late and I accidentally told him I had to beat up some rapists. That _really_ set him off." She groaned. "He'll probably be overprotective for the next month!"

The silence that met her statement caught her attention and she looked up, noticing the gaping stares she was receiving. "What?"

"You were attacked by rapists?" Riza asked.

"No, I attacked some rapists. They had some woman cornered. Beat them up then walked her home. You'd think that'd let me off the hook with Al, but noo."

Riza leveled her with a disapproving frown. Ed decided to ignore it. "That woman was kinda odd though. She kept trying to give me coffee."

Havoc suddenly sat up straighter. "Wait. What?"

"She kept trying to give me coffee as thanks, when I walked her back to her apartment."

"Let me get this straight. When you got back to her apartment she tried to get you to come inside for coffee?"

"Yeah. Weird, huh?"

The members of the room gawked at her a moment before Havoc and Breda broke out howling with laughter, Fuery looked embarrassed, and Falman pretended to become interested in his paperwork. Even Riza had the corners of her mouth turning up in a slight smile against her will.

"Ok, what's so funny?" Ed growled out.

Riza gave Ed a sympathizing look before clearing her throat, wondering the best way to put this. "Well, Edward, it's common practice to invite someone in for coffee when you want to spend the night with them."

Ed stared blankly at her for a moment, then her face slowly started to heat up. She knew she was blushing furiously. "You mean, she wanted to have sex with me?" Riza only nodded, and Ed's blush grew even more. Havoc started laughing to the point of nearly falling out of his chair.

At this, Mustang finally decided to leave the inner office to see what all the noise was about. "What's going on here?"

"Boss had some woman coming on to him and didn't even know it!" Havoc was gripping his arms across his stomach having difficulty catching his breath.

Mustang glanced over at Edward. She was blushing to the point that even her ears were red. His eyes narrowed but without saying a word he turned and promptly walked back into his office, shutting the door behind him.

"Bastard." Ed muttered.

* * *

Roy paced the length of his office floor. He was annoyed. He didn't even know why he was annoyed which in turn just made him more annoyed. He decided he needed a distraction. Roy walked over to his desk and nimbly took a slim black book from the top left drawer. He hastily dialed one of the numbers. The phone sounded off two rings before a languid "Hello" could be heard over the line. Roy smiled. "Hey, Jazmine, what are your plans for the evening?"

* * *

A few days passed and Roy hadn't seen either of the Elrics other than the first day that Edward spent in the office finishing the mission report and filling out paperwork that needed to be done whenever not on a mission. Roy figured they both had sequestered themselves in the library like usual.

Roy decided to take a break from his own paperwork and grab some lunch. Riza could never argue with a break for lunch at least. She wasn't THAT much of a slave driver. Roy smiled wryly to himself.

Roy had barely even left the office when he heard voices floating down the hall. It sounded like two men, and he recognized one of the voices right away. The gruff voice belonged to a Brigadier General Hawthorne. The other, more tenor sounding voice, Roy couldn't identify, but the two were paused in the middle of the hallway having a conversation. Roy was in a position where he couldn't actually see them or be seen by them since the hallway turned just a few feet farther from him. The Brigadier General was one of the few who openly opposed Roy's rise through the ranks, but the man was also slippery as an eel and while Roy and his men tried their best, could never find any evidence of anything the man has done to hold against him. So, while slightly embarrassed at the feeling of being a nosy housewife, Roy couldn't pass up the opportunity to eavesdrop on Hawthorne. Roy walked a few more steps, just enough to make out the words the tenor voiced man was speaking.

"...went to a movie afterwards."

"What'd you do after that?" Hawthorne asked.

"We didn't do anything after that. I just took her back to her apartment."

"That's it? You didn't even get some?"

"Jamie and I both agreed to take it slow." The tone of his voice made Roy think that the tenor voiced man was blushing at Hawthorne's comment.

"Idiot. There's no point in going through all the effort of a date if you aren't at least getting to fuck them afterwards." The man Hawthorne was talking to made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a squeak. "Speaking of fucking. You seen the Fullmetal Alchemist lately?"

Roy could feel his whole body tense. The tenor voiced man seemed unsure of where this conversation was going and if he still wanted to be a part of it as he hesitantly replied, "You mean Edward Elric?"

"Yeah, him. He grew up into a looker. That one could certainly use a good fucking. That is, if Mustang hasn't already tapped that."

Obviously not really wanting to continue the conversation but probably considering it rude to just leave, the tenor man replied, "But… but he's a guy?"

"Doesn't matter. You ever seen him without that red coat of his? He's got a nice round squeezable ass under those tight black pants of his. And with that slim waist, you could almost mistake him for a woman. Then there's that hair of his. It's always convenient to be able to grab a handful of hair while you're giving them a good fuck. What I wouldn't do to get a piece of that. Wonder if I could get Mustang to transfer him to my command. I don't usually go for sloppy seconds but Fullmetal is a bit too pretty for his own good. Who'd pass that one up?"

Roy was seeing red; he was absolutely furious. It took all his willpower to not just step around that corner and set the man on fire right then and there, watching the disgusting excuse for a human burn to nothing more than a pile of ash on the floor. Roy glanced towards the ceiling while taking a hopefully calming breath. It was there that he noticed something. Roy gave a nefarious grin and snapped his fingers.

* * *

The phone only rang once before he answered. "Mustang."

"Heya, Roy!"

"Oh, hey, Maes."

"So, I heard an interesting tidbit today. Seems there was a malfunction in one of those sprinkler units over there at East City. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?"

Roy leaned back in his chair and smirked even though he knew Maes couldn't see it over the phone. "I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. I was no where near that hallway and certainly didn't snap my fingers to set off any sprinkler units."

"Yeah, yeah. Though really, why'd you do it? I know you don't just go around defacing government property for no reason. Is there something you want to talk about?"

"It's not anything important. It was just Brigadier General Hawthorne being himself."

"Now, while I know you two don't get along, you've never resorted to use of your alchemy before. What was different this time?"

"Nothing really. He just said something that annoyed me."

"Roy, are you going to actually tell me what that was about or am I going to have to go over to East City and convince you myself? Oh! I have three new photo albums of Elysia that you haven't seen yet! I can bring them with me when I come visit!"

"No! ...I mean, I wouldn't want to make you go through the effort of having to request leave and coming all the way out here." Roy took a breath. "It's just… something he said about Fullmetal irked me."

"Edward? What'd he say about Edward?"

"Just that… he wanted to sleep with him. Quite lewdly I might add."

"So, Hawthorne said he wanted to sleep with Edward and you felt the urge to set something on fire?"

"I couldn't set the son of a bitch himself on fire without it being obviously my doing. Drenching him, uniform and all, was my best option."

The line was silent for a moment and Roy began to wonder if the call had been disconnected. Maes eventually continued, "Roy, what do you think of Edward?"

"He's an annoying kid who can't seem to complete any mission without destroying half a town, but he's determined and gets things done."

"That's it?"

"What else would there be?"

"Let's try this. Has there been any other times when you felt unnecessarily annoyed about something involving Edward?"

"Well.. I guess there was that time a few days ago."

"What happened then?"

"Edward had needlessly put himself into danger."

"He does that all that time. Was there something unique about this time?"

"He rescued a woman and she was... a bit overly grateful towards him."

Roy could just hear the smile in Maes' voice as he responded, "So, a woman was hitting on Edward and you became annoyed? I'm starting to notice a pattern here. Any other times that have stood out?"

Roy paused. He was getting annoyed when people showed a romantic interest in Edward? That couldn't be true, no way. Then he remembered other instances of unnecessary bouts of annoyance. He almost blushed, if it wasn't for the fact that Roy Mustang does _not_ blush. "I also become annoyed when…" Roy's voice dissolved into a mumble.

"I didn't make that out, Roy. You need to talk louder."

"I also become annoyed when…" Roy took a breath, tried to regain his composure, and finished in a rush, "whenIthinkhe'scute."

There was such an all consuming silence following that statement before Maes finally broke into laughter.

"Roy Mustang, I think you're in love with Edward Elric."

* * *

**-x-**

* * *

~Omake Theater~

Once they finally made it out of the alley and onto a much busier street, Edward subsequently paused in her headlong run. She didn't need a rest, but the poor woman being dragged behind her was distinctly out of breath. Ed let go of her hand and waited patiently for her to catch her breath. Eventually the woman's panting evened out into a more normal breathing pattern and she glanced up to Edward, smiled and ask, "Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"

"I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS BUT DON'T CALL ME SHORT!"

* * *

-Author's Note-

I bet having any dorm adjacent to the Elrics would be highly annoying. lol

Did you know there's actually a difference between blond and blonde? I always liked it with an e personally but had constantly seen it spelled both ways. Decided to google it to see if there was a "preferred" way and found out that blonde is only for females. Who knew? o.0

I can already tell keeping track of the he/she swapping is going to kill me. I'm a masochist for picking such a story topic. -.-

I soooo wanted Roy to set that man's eyebrows on fire, facial scarring and all. No matter how hard I tried though, I couldn't think of a way for it to happen that didn't lead directly back to Roy. :(

And short rants are harder to come up with than I expected. At this point I don't even care if elephants don't exist in Ed's world.


	3. Chapter 2 - Edward's Secret

Rating: T

Stuff: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist

Warnings: Language

* * *

Chapter 2

_Edward's Secret_

"Roy Mustang, I think you're in love with Edward Elric."

"Maes… you've finally lost it haven't you?"

"Well, ok, maybe not love _yet_ but you definitely have feelings for him. It's the only thing that explains everything."

"I can't have feelings for Fullmetal."

"Can't? Or won't?"

"There's a difference?"

"Of course there is. What's so wrong with falling for Edward?"

"He's _Fullmetal_."

"Roy, I know you're not this obtuse so I can only assume you're trying to avoid giving me actual answers."

"I'm not trying to be vague, Maes. It's just that. You asked me what's wrong with falling for him and the answer is _everything_ about him. He's my subordinate, he's 14 years my junior, and he's not even a woman! Can you imagine me being with a man?"

"Admittedly, when I told you to get a wife, I did assume it would be a woman."

"Ignoring everything else wrong with that sentence, Fullmetal would thoroughly murder you for implying he could be anyone's 'wife'."

Maes chuckled at that. "Really though, I think you're worrying about things that aren't important. I know the military is technically against a superior having a relationship with their subordinate, but you and I both know that unless the pair cause problems, the military looks the other way. The 14 year age gap is a bit more of a problem, but Edward's been considered an adult since he joined the military when he was 12. He can make his own decisions. If he has no problem with a 14 year age gap, then you shouldn't either."

"You're making this sound like it's requited."

"So you're admitting that it's at least unrequited?" Maes couldn't help but grin while he heard Roy making a spluttering noise. "Just go along with it for the moment, for argument's sake. The only people who should be bothered by something like that, are the two people involved. For everyone else it's really none of their business." He paused for a bit to allow Roy to contemplate that. "And as for him not being a woman... so what?"

"What!?"

"It really doesn't matter if he's a woman or not, just how you feel about him. If he makes you happy then that's all that's important. I wasn't joking when I told you to get a wife. You really could use the support of someone who loves you unconditionally and watches your back."

"I have Riza to watch my back."

"You know that's not really what I meant, Roy. Just think about what I said." Maes leaned back his chair to prepare for a long conversation. "Though, Edward isn't nearly as lovely as my Gracia. Oh! And you'll have to adopt so we can set up playdates with my darling Elysia! You'll just have to make sure your child doesn't get jealous over the fact that they can't be as adorable as my little angel..."

Roy hung up the phone right there.

He went over what Maes said in his head. _I couldn't possibly have feelings for Edward._ He suddenly remembered purposely provoking a certain short alchemist just to have a pair of aureate eyes meet his in a glare. _Could I?_

* * *

"Brother, wake up."

Edward mumbled something unintelligible and smashed her nose farther into the pillow.

"If you don't get up now you'll be late for your mission briefing."

Ed still showed no signs of moving. Alphonse put his hands on his armor hips and took in the scene. He grabbed the bottom corners of Ed's blanket and promptly yanked the covers off.

"Wha!?" His sister jumped out of bed in what would have been a feat of agility, if she hadn't promptly fell on her butt. "Ow. Al, why'd you have to do that?"

"You're going to be late." Al did his best to give her a glare, even without the ability of his armor to make actual facial expressions. "And you know you'd rather have me wake you up than for Lieutenant Hawkeye to come find why you aren't at the briefing."

Ed's eyes showed actual fear and she jumped up to hastily start gathering clothes to wear. She quickly squeezed into a pair of black leather pants then started to wrap her chest. She always hated how long this took but since she had already let everyone think she was a guy she wasn't sure if she was ready for the fallout of everyone finding out she was female. She wasn't excessively large but still wasn't exactly "ungifted" as a woman, so she had to take extra precaution. After wrapping her chest to try to make a more flat figure, she donned her black tank top and black half jacket that she had started to wear when she realised that just wrapping them wasn't entirely enough. She grabbed her red coat, belt, and gloves. She promptly ran out the door and finished dressing as she hurried to Mustang's office.

* * *

Four minutes after the appointed time, Edward barreled into Mustang's office.

"Fullmetal, why aren't you wearing any shoes?"

Ed looked at her feet. _Oops._ She heard her brother greeting the others in the outer office area and turned to look. Sure enough he was carrying a pair of black boots. _Al's so awesome._ "I just didn't feel like wearing them today." She promptly flopped down on her preferred couch.

Mustang gave her a look showing that he didn't believe her but decided to just drop it anyway. He waited just long enough for Alphonse to enter the room since he knew if Edward didn't listen to the briefing at least Al would. "The mission I have for you today should be a piece of cake for someone like you. The Briar Rose Alchemist's yearly assessment is coming up, and she has decided to present research findings for review. The problem is her research can't be transported readily to any headquarters so the military has to send someone to her lab. Of the alchemists we have available to send, you're the only one qualified enough to properly assess her studies."

"Ugh, so we know this mission is a fucking waste of time before I even go? Can't I just skip it?"

"Unfortunately, I've been ordered to have you go. I had Hawkeye prepare a file containing information about the Briar Rose Alchemist's studies, but the quick overview is that she works with plants, alchemically combining different ones to make knew strains. She mostly focuses on producing medical plants. You just need to visit her lab, review what kind of progress she's made, and compare that progress to previous years. You'll have to write a thorough report." He continued talking over Ed's groan. "Hawkeye handled all your travel arrangements, you'll just have to grab everything from her on your way out. Dismissed."

Ed got up from the couch and headed out of the office with Al not far behind.

* * *

Roy stretched and looked at the clock on the wall. By now the Elrics would have been on a train for a few hours, and everyone else from his staff would be on lunchbreak. He decided to take a break and grab some lunch himself. As he walked through the door leading from his office to the outer office he stopped in his tracks. There occupying most of the flat surface of an empty desk was one of the largest bouquet of roses he's seen, and Roy Mustang has seen his fair share of bouquets.

Roy walked over to the flowers to read the card.

_We should have lunch sometime._

_~Lydia_

_P.S. 782-555-5537_

Roy was confused. He certainly couldn't recall a Lydia from recent encounters. He also was generally the one buying flowers for women and not the other way around. He was further confused as to why he hadn't gotten her number out of her in their first meeting as per his usual M.O.

"They're for Edward." Roy jumped a bit at hearing Riza's voice. He was so distracted by the monster bouquet he hadn't noticed she was eating her lunch at her desk instead of in the mess hall. "They came a bit after he and Al left for the train station. We didn't know what to do with them."

Roy looked back at the now not-so-innocent seeming bundle of flowers. He grabbed them just under the the white silk ribbon, nudged a metal trash can over with his foot, dropped the flowers in and snapped his fingers, all before he even realised what he was doing. He took in the sight of the presently smouldering flowers and then stared at his hand like he had suddenly become aware of it's existence now that it had acted of it's own accord.

Roy gave a sideways glance to Riza and saw her looking at him with one eyebrow raised. He ignored her unspoken question, squared his shoulders and straightened his military jacket. He then walked out into the hallway and headed in the direction of the main gate, away from the mess hall. He didn't care if it was only noon; he was going to spend his lunch at the bar situated a few blocks away. He could really go for a scotch.

* * *

The Elric siblings spent the first few hours of their train ride playing cards until Alphonse gave up trying to figure out how his sister could continually cheat without him catching her. The remainder of the trip Edward spent sprawled out on the train seat napping while her brother watched the scenery pass by through the window.

They reached the town just a bit before midnight. They certainly couldn't go traipsing up to the Briar Rose Alchemist's lab in the middle of the night so they hunted down an inn. When they reached their room Edward hastily scarfed down a sandwich that Al had purchased for her on the train, and despite the fact that she had already spent the last few hours napping, promptly fell asleep on the bed.

* * *

Roy sat in his study nursing his third scotch. He went over recent events yet again in his head. He had already lost count of how many times they've replayed in his mind and yet he kept going in hopes that the answer would change. He glanced at the clock and discovered that he'd been at this for hours with no variation in result. He finished off the rest of his glass in one gulp. _Maes was right. I have feelings for Edward Elric._

* * *

Edward awoke with a start as she heard her brother moving around the room. It had to have been only a few hours later since the room was still dark. She looked up groggily as he glanced out the window. "What's going on?"

"Oh, sorry for waking you. There's something going on down the road."

She got up and pulled on her shoes, glad that she had slept in her clothes. There were already a few people in the hallway of the inn standing around discussing what was happening. She ignored them and headed out the front door, where she was met with billowing black smoke. She instantly broke into a run heading towards the commotion.

It was a house. Fire rippled across the whole frame while smoke undulated from the windows and roof. It looked like the house didn't have much time left. Ed paused to take in the crowd in front of the building, eyes immediately drawn to a woman who was obviously hysterical. "LIZZIE! LIZZIE'S STILL INSIDE! LET ME GO! LIZZIE!" Members of the crowd were holding the woman back. It was apparent that they deemed the house too unsafe for anyone to return inside and weren't even going to risk letting the woman go back, at the expense of 'Lizzie'. _Cowards._ Before her brother could guess what she planned on doing and stopped her, she sprinted up to the house and through the front door.

She held the sleeve of her coat to her mouth to try to block some of the smoke as she took in her surroundings. She was in a living room, the remains of a kitchen were situated to her left, and a hallway at the rear of the living room could barely be made out through the smoke. She dashed towards the hallway. She could just scarcely hear the sounds of crying coming from the last door on the right. A door that unfortunately had part of the burning ceiling already collapsed in front of it, blocking the door. She clapped her hands as she ran towards it, placed her automail hand against the burning mass, and transmuted it into small bits that she could easily push aside as she pried the door open.

As soon as the door was ajar a crying mass immediately latched onto her waist. She looked down to see a young girl of about 3 gripping her coat like a lifeline. It was then that Al caught up with her. Al picked the girl up and started carrying her to the exit with Ed following behind. They had just made it out of the hallway, the scant length of the living room was between them and the exit, when Edward could make out a creaking noise amidst the cracking and popping noises the house had been making. It was the only warning she had before a large burning support beam fell from the ceiling.

The first thing Edward checked was whether the girl and Al were harmed. "Go, Al! Save the girl first!" She saw Al hesitate just a moment looking back at her, before continuing out of the house carrying the young girl. It wasn't until she saw them leave the burning building that she took the time to review her own situation. It seemed the support beam had fallen directly on her. The only thing keeping her from harm was the fact that it was being propped up by her automail arm. The arm was pinned with her palm flat on the ground and the elbow holding up the beam. With the beam's weight she knew there was no way she was going to be able to pry her arm out, and with her palm flattened against the ground, she couldn't clap to transmute the beam off her. She noticed the wrist joint looked a bit smashed after taking the brunt of the impact from the falling beam. _Ugh.. Winry is going to kill me._ She tried to wiggle around to reach the lever that detached the arm entirely, but before she could, Ed heard some more creaking sounds and a loud "Brother!" as the ceiling lost its fight to the fire and finally collapsed. Blackness started to creep in at the edges of her vision as the unyielding smoke encompassed her. _It seems Winry may have to wait, if I die here Al will kill me first._ Edward fell unconscious while the burning building settled around her.

* * *

Alphonse had never been as happy about his current body as he was at that moment. He had never been happier that he couldn't feel pain or that he never tired. These were the thoughts running through his head and he dug through the still smouldering remains of what was formerly a house. Some of the bystanders tried to help, but the embers were still a bit too hot and some of the pieces were still on fire in places, making it difficult for the rest to do much. Al worked as quickly as he could lifting and shifting pieces to get to where he had last seen his sister.

Al moved a few more pieces before "Brother!" he exclaimed happily as he finally cleared off enough rubble to find his sister. It almost seemed like the beam itself had actually helped shield her from the rest of the fire, protecting her from the worse of the building collapsing on top of her. Al quickly pulled out a piece of chalk and transmuted the beam off of his sister. He called over one of the bystanders to carry her out of the remains of the building since he feared his armor would be too hot after digging through embers. He hovered around nervously as they checked her over. He would have cried tears of joy if he could when they discovered that she was in fact still breathing, if very shallowly, and he gave his endless thanks to the bystander who offered to drive him and his sister to the local clinic.

* * *

Al's armor had cooled enough by the time they reached the clinic that he was able to carry his sister himself. He thanked the man who had given them a ride but declined further help. Al manoeuvered his large body and his unconscious sister through the door as nimbly as he could manage. It was then that he found himself greeted with a new dilemma as the receptionist who had been sitting behind a desk was now rushing over to ask what was wrong. It was at this moment that Al realised that he and his sister had never discussed this particular situation. What was he supposed to do when taking his sister to the hospital?

Everyone "knew" that the Fullmetal Alchemist was a boy, but there were a few things a medical doctor were just bound to notice. Alphonse didn't like to lie, but his sister long ago convinced him that if people misunderstood the situation, and you never bothered to correct them, that wasn't _really_ lying. Al's mind was in overdrive trying to figure out a way through this situation.

The receptionist led Al to an empty room and he set his sister down on the bed. The woman told him a doctor would be with them shortly and left the room. Al swiftly unhooked his sister's pocket watch from her belt loop while no one was looking.

Al was just about to leave the room to see what was taking the doctor so long when the door finally opened and an older man wearing a white coat entered the room. "So, what happened here?"

"There was a house fire, sir."

The doctor walked over and did a visual overview of his sister. "There seems to be a bit of topical burning, but not much and what's there isn't that bad." He grabbed his stethoscope, placing it gingerly in different places under her shirt to listen to her breathing. "Breathing is shallow, but initial analysis is that she luckily did not burn her lungs from inhaling too much heated air. We'll supplement her breathing with an oxygen mask and she'll have to stay for observation for 24 hours. I'll inform the nurses."

Alphonse gave a quiet, "Thank you, sir" as the doctor left the room. Al stood up and moved over to the bed his sister was lying in. He reached over and gently moved some of her bangs out of her face before turning to leave the room to go see the receptionist. He asked the receptionist for some spare paper which she handed over gladly. He then quickly wrote some numbers his sister had thankfully made him memorise though he hadn't seen the point at the time. Al handed the watch and piece of paper to the receptionist. "This here is a State Alchemist watch, and this is the account info for Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist. All hospital charges should be sent here."

"Oh! I had heard there was going to be an alchemist in town to visit old Jen. Fullmetal, huh?" She looked Al up and down as she handed back the watch. "Well, I can certainly see why they gave you that name." Al breathed a sigh of relief. _Misunderstanding complete._ He thanked the receptionist for her help and went back to sit sentry with his unconscious sister.

* * *

Roy Mustang was having a bad day. After finally admitting to himself the evening before that Maes was right, he proceeded to have a very restless night of sleep. He eventually gave up on sleep early that morning, and stubbed his toe on the bedside table just moments after getting out of bed. He blearily walked... _Not limped, thank you very much! _...to his kitchen, where he found he was out of coffee and had forgotten to buy some more.

As he walked into the outer office, wrinkling his nose at the lingering smell of burnt flowers, he wondered what kind of day he had ahead of him with a morning like that preceding it. It seemed Riza was as eager as ever to start the day, and had already shown up. She apparently was also already in a discussion with someone on the phone. She glanced up as she heard someone enter the office. "Hold on, he just walked in." She pushed the hold button and set the phone back in the cradle.

"Sir, there seems to be a problem in Financial. Someone claiming to be the Fullmetal Alchemist is requesting funding for hospital bills in the town of Brightgrove."

Roy felt a distinct clenching feeling in his chest. _I just had to fall for the most reckless alchemist in the military, didn't I._ "That's where Fullmetal is currently on a mission. I don't understand what the problem is other than the fact that Fullmetal has been on what was suppose to be an easy mission for less than a day and already ended up in the hospital, but that wouldn't be Financial's problem."

"Sir, they're saying that the funds aren't for Fullmetal… they're for Fullmetal's sister."

Roy stood there wondering if he had heard her right. _Maybe he's pretending someone else is his sister to get the military to pay for her bills? It's a pretty idiotic plan but while the boy may be a genius, he does have a habit of acting before he thinks when it comes to helping and protecting others. _"I'll take the call in my office."

After shutting his office door and ensconcing himself in his desk chair, he picked up the phone and pressed the blinking button to connect himself to whomever had been placed on hold. "Mustang speaking. I hear you have a bit of a problem over there in Financial?"

"Yes, we have reports of the Fullmetal Alchemist requesting funding for hospital bills incurred by his sister, but our records show that the only relative is a brother."

"Unfortunately we don't have enough information at this moment to clear up this situation. I need to make some calls and hopefully find out what's going on. I'll call you back when I hear anything."

"Alright, but make sure this is cleared up by the end of the day, otherwise I have to report the misuse of a State Alchemist watch, and I really don't want to have to go through the mess of paperwork that is."

After finishing the call with the clerk from Financial, Roy picked up the phone again to call Information asking for the number of the clinic in Brightgrove. Roy jotted down the number on a scrap piece of paper, thanked the clerk for her help, and declined her dinner offer. Roy then quickly dialed the number he had just been given. An overly cheery voice answered the phone, "Brightgrove Clinic. How may I help you?"

"Do you have an Edward Elric as either a current patient or the family member of a current patient?"

"Oh yeah! The sweet alchemist boy who's here with his sister. What do you need?"

"Can I talk to him?"

"Sure, no problem! I'll put you on hold for a bit while I go fetch him."

Roy waited patiently until he finally heard the click of being taken off hold, and a tentative voice said, "Hello?"

Roy could recognise that slightly hollow metallic voice anywhere. "Alphonse, what is going on here?"

"Colonel!?" the boy squeaked.

"I have Financial over here calling me to report misuse of funding. What is Edward thinking? Who is this girl he's trying to get the military to pay for?" The boy on the other end of the line was silent, at least verbally. Roy could make out the unmistakable sound of him shuffling his armor feet. "Alphonse…."

"I… uhh… can't really tell you right now."

"Because of the receptionist?"

Roy could make out the slightest bit of relief in his still otherwise nervous sounding voice. "Yeah. I'll explain later. Brother just needs this hospital bill covered right now."

"Alright, I'll see what I can manage, but I expect a full explanation as soon as possible."

"O- ok… Thank you, Colonel Mustang."

They both hung up their phones. Roy dialed the number for Financial. Luckily a female clerk answered. Roy smiled to himself. "Colonel Roy Mustang here. I'm calling about the problem with the requisition of funding from Fullmetal's account."

"Of course Colonel Mustang." He heard a muffled "Grab me the Fullmetal case file" as the clerk must have covered the phone with her hand to talk to a colleague.

"Please, just call me Roy." He said with a smooth grin he knew could outright be heard in his voice.

The clerk giggled. "Sure, Roy. Ok, it says here that Fullmetal requested funds for his sister, but that he doesn't have a sister on file."

"I called the clinic and discovered there was a mistake along the way. The funds requested were for Fullmetal's brother, not sister."

The clerk gave another twittering giggle. "Oops, guess someone checked the wrong box somewhere. Easy enough mistake to make. I'll just jot this down… alright, there. The funds should be sent through with no problem now."

"Alright, thank you for your lovely assistance." Roy fortunately was able to navigate the rest of the call without getting wrangled into a date.

* * *

Alphonse was glad when his sister regained consciousness not long after being admitted to the hospital. Al was less glad when his sister started demanding to be released and trying to take off her oxygen mask. "Brother, you're going to stay on that bed or I will sit on you and make you stay there."

Edward graced her brother with one of her most heated glares, but as she had stopped trying to get out of the hospital bed, Al didn't care. It was after she finally stopped her pseudo tantrum about waking up in a hospital bed that she realised that she had woken up _in a hospital bed_.

"Al… what did you tell the doctors?"

"I told them you're my sister, but I let them think I was you."

"So they think you're Fullmetal?" Al nodded. "Guess this is one time I can't get mad at them for the mistake." She grinned through the fogged up mask.

"Though… umm… Colonel Mustang called."

"WHAT!?" His sister yelled, then promptly devolved into a fit of coughing.

"Brother! You shouldn't let yourself get worked up! You're still recovering." Al admonished while his hands fluttered around her trying to figure out how to help. His sister's coughing fit finally ended and she eased back into the pillows.

"So, what'd the bastard want? Does he know?"

"I don't know really. It seems he knew that we were paying the hospital bills for a woman, but I don't know if he knows anything more than that. I don't know how he even learned that much."

"Ok, well, we'll just have to be careful."

* * *

Regardless of the fact that she had slept on the train and at the inn, his sister fell asleep yet again. Al decided that he couldn't use the excuse of 'making sure his sister stays in bed' anymore to put off calling Colonel Mustang. He got up to seek out the receptionist.

Apparently sometime between when his sister was brought in and now, there was a shift change because there was a different woman manning the desk by the entrance. "Hello, Miss, is there somewhere I can make a phone call in private?"

"Let me just ask the doctor. I'm sure he'll let you use the phone in his office." Al followed the receptionist, and sure enough the doctor was more than willing to let him use the office phone.

Al sat at the desk chair and slowly dialed the Colonel's number.

"Mustang."

"Uh... Hello, Colonel Mustang."

"Alphonse! What took you so long to call?"

"Sorry, Brother wouldn't stay in his hospital bed so I had to keep an eye on him. He's asleep right now."

"Fullmetal is injured? How bad? What happened?"

"The doctor says it isn't bad. They're making him stay here for 24 hours observation though to be sure. Brother just ran into a burning building to save a girl and the building collapsed."

"Ran into a burning building…" Roy mumbled to himself. "So was it this young girl who was being referred to as Fullmetal's sister for the funds request?"

Al froze. _Why did he have to phrase it as a direct question? He couldn't just assume that's what happened and make this easy for me. What am I suppose to say now?_ While Al was willing to compromise with his sister and not correct misunderstandings, the agreement didn't extend to him blatantly lying for her.

"Um… no, she wasn't the one."

"Then who was being called Fullmetal's sister? I was able to convince Financial that it was just a clerical error but I don't believe that in the slightest."

Al rolled the question around in his head. He looked at it from one way and then the other. He thought up a response, mentally scratched it out, then thought up another just to discard that as well. He inescapably came to one conclusion. _I'm sorry, Brother._

"Brother was. Brother was the one being referred to as Fullmetal's sister."

"Huh?" was Roy's rather eloquent reply. "Why would Fullmetal be pretending to be his own sister?"

"Well… umm… You see, Sir…" Alphonse faded off into silence.

"Alphonse Elric, you are going to explain to me what is going on right this second."

"Brother isn't actually my brother. He's my sister."

* * *

**-x-**

* * *

-Author's Note-

Told myself I had to make sure Roy was ok with Edward not being a woman before he found out that she was, but the story just didn't want to cooperate with me and wanted to fight me the whole way. Hopefully the rest of the story is better behaved and lets me write it.

Also, the whole Edward not wearing shoes part was an accident. Wrote the dressing scene then took a break before writing the next part and realised I totally forgot to mention putting on shoes. So I just decided to go with it. I happen to love taking-care-of-big-brother!Al.

Don't call Lydia's number btw. Hopefully it's not a real number since I went with the "555" thing, but just incase. I don't want people spamming a poor person/business. Fun fact: take out the 555 and her number spells stalker.

Was very tempted to end the chapter right after the building collapsed on Ed. That would be such a huge cliffhanger. *evil laugh* But the chapter would have been way too short, and wouldn't have accomplished my plot goal for the chapter. So you lucky readers don't get a burning building cliffhanger. :P


	4. Chapter 3 - The Stipulation

Rating: T

Stuff: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist

Warnings: Language

* * *

Chapter 3

_The Stipulation_

Roy Mustang felt an all encompassing sense of calm. He would have liked to attribute this to strength of character but he knew it was most likely due to shock.

"Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, is your sister." He had meant for it to be a question verifying what he thought he heard and hoped he'd heard wrong, but it came out more a statement.

"Yes, sir." Alphonse's small tinny voice sounded apologetic.

Roy hadn't gotten where he was by letting things get in the way of what he had to do, so while he wanted to thoroughly question Alphonse about this new revelation or delve into a state of utterly confused contemplation, he did neither. He pulled his calm persona around him like a blanket. "We're going to have a talk about this later but for now, do you think your broth- do you think Fullmetal can finish the mission?"

"Oh, yeah, probably. The doctor said Brother wasn't hurt that bad. They have him under observation now and if no complications develop during that time then he can be released. They said he's not allowed to do anything strenuous for awhile but reviewing research findings should be fine."

"Alright. I expect the both of you back in East Headquarters as soon as you finish, and remind Fullmetal that the mission report has to be exceptionally thorough this time."

"Ok, sir. I'll tell Brother as soon as he wakes up."

* * *

After ending his call with Alphonse, Roy sat at his desk staring blankly at his phone. _Edward isn't a boy? What the hell?_ Roy was surprised at his own willingness to believe the information. Of course, Al never lied, so anything he said was true. _It seems that boy can bend the truth a fair deal though. I'm going to have to keep an eye on him._ What was most telling however, was the fact that once it was said it made perfect sense. Roy had to admit, he had thought of Edward as "young" for so long, he hadn't really thought about how old he _she?_ actually was. A boy that age would have most likely gone through a few changes by that time. _Probably helps that with how short Edward is, people are even more likely to underestimate age._ He smirked at the image his mind provided of what said short alchemist's response would be to hearing that thought.

* * *

Edward woke to a cacophony of small clanking sounds. Something was obviously bothering her little brother. He was unable to sit still in his chair, fidgeting incessantly. "Al, what's wrong?"

Alphonse instantly stood up from his chair at the sound of his sister's voice and started waving his arms frantically. "Brother, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to tell him! Well, I mean, I did mean to tell him because he asked but I didn't want to tell him! It was an accident! I swear!"

"Al. Al! ALPHONSE!" Ed was finally able to cut through his rambling to get his attention. "What are you talking about?"

"Brother, I'm sorry!"

"Yeah, you said that already. What are you sorry for?"

"I'm sorry I told Colonel Mustang your secret!"

Edward just stared at her brother for a moment. "That's it?"

"Wha!? What do you mean that's it!? Colonel Mustang knows you're a girl now, and it's all my fault!"

"Al, calm down. I know you wouldn't tell him unless you had to. I do remember our agreement. I wouldn't want you to lie for me anyways, wouldn't want to bring you down to that." She graced her brother with a reassuring smile. "It sucks my secret's out, but I was expecting this to happen any day now. They couldn't think I was 12 for forever." She gave a wry chuckle. "When I heard he called the first time I was a bit anxious, but I half expected this result. I was just hoping to hold out until I found the philosopher's stone and got your body back for you."

Al visibly relaxed. "I was afraid you'd hate me."

Ed grinned at her brother. "Al you're such an idiot." She gave his armor chest an affectionate nudge with her automail fist.

"What… what do you think will happen?"

"Mustang's the only one who knows, right?"

"I think so, but I don't know if he'll tell anyone."

"Hmm… knowing him, probably not. The bastard would rather tease me about it than report me, but we can't be entirely sure. I really don't know what the military would do if they found out so I'll have to talk to Mustang and see if I can convince him to keep it a secret just a bit longer. Ugh.. the bastard is just going to be even more of a bastard now. We'll just have to take the first train back to East City as soon as I'm released."

"Actually, Brother, Colonel Mustang said he still wants you to complete the mission."

"Seriously?"

"He said to make sure your report is 'exceptionally thorough'."

She grimaced. "Fucking bastard."

* * *

Roy was trying his hardest to keep the smile off his face as he read Edward's "exceptionally thorough" report. It seemed Ed had taken that as a challenge. The aforementioned report came complete with not only detailed descriptions of the research, but also descriptions of anything else she could think up. Notable examples being the lab itself _Three cracks in the ceiling and a spiderweb in the far left corner_, the weather _Sunny. Seven clouds in the sky. One looks like a bunny_, and what they ate for lunch complete with recipe from the innkeeper. The whole time Roy was reading, Edward sat upright, arms crossed, glaring at him. It was all so… so… '_endearing_' his brain provided. Roy nearly choked at the thought.

Roy set the report aside, there was more important business to attend to now. Once he had gotten over his initial shock after the discovery and imbibed a decent amount of scotch, Roy had quickly decided what he was going to do about it. He placed his elbows on the desk and steepled his fingers. He couldn't help the smug look that leaked into his features. "Soo, Fullmetal, we need to have a little chat."

"Alright, Bastard, I'm listening."

"I'm willing to keep this little jewel of information to myself in exchange for one thing." Her response was to raise one eyebrow inquisitively while trying to simultaneously maintain her scowl. Roy barely contained his laugh at her facial expression. "My stipulation for keeping silent is that you have to go on a date with me."

She just stared at him, mouth gaping. Once her brain finally kickstarted again, she quickly shut her mouth and returned to her default glare. He could tell she was deliberating the idea and decided not to rush her. Her brows furrowed as she stared at the ground. She eventually glanced back up at him and asked, "Is this a date with Edward or Fullmetal?"

Roy was taken aback by the question. "What do you mean?"

"Well, are you wanting to be seen out wining and dining the 'Hero of the People', or is this more just between you and me?"

Roy was frankly surprised. He hadn't really thought about it like that. "Well, when phrased like that, then it would be a date with Edward."

"Then fine."

_Is she actually blushing? _"Ok, so what day would be good for you."

Edward stood up. "You're going to pick me up at the main gate at 8 o'clock Friday night. Don't be late." Then she promptly walked out of the room, not even waiting on his response.

_That went… surprisingly well._ Roy had expected a bit more yelling and arm flailing and certainly a few more "bastard"s being thrown his way, but then he really should be use to Edward acting unpredictably by now. Roy picked up the phone and started to make reservations for 3 nights hence.

* * *

Edward walked into their dorm room, quietly shut the door, and serenely walked over to sit on her bed. The whole thing was making Al more and more nervous as he watched his sister be anything other than her overly exuberant self. "Did you talk to Colonel Mustang? How bad is it? Did you convince him to not tell the military?"

"He wants to go on a date."

"Oh, so you're going to talk to him sometime tomorrow since he's busy tonight?"

"No, Al, I mean, he wants to go on a date… with me. That was his requirement for keeping quiet." She stood up and started pacing the room. Al stared at her, his eyes would have been as wide as saucers if they could. "What does this even mean? Why the hell would the bastard ask for _that_?" She paused for a moment, eyes growing wide. "He couldn't..." She resumed her pacing, more stomping than walking. Her arms started to wave animatedly as she talked. "If this is some plan to add my name to that little black book of his, to add my name to the tally, then he's sorely mistaken! I'll go on this fucking date with him, and it's going to be the best fucking date he's ever been on! The bastard's _not_ going to sleep with me but he sure as fucking hell is going to beg me for another date after this!" Al tuned out the rest of his sister's rant, grinning to himself.

* * *

The next morning dawned with the Elric siblings already awake and at the train station. Winry's train was expected to arrive within the hour. Edward had been hesitant to call the blonde mechanic, but Al pointed out they couldn't risk her automail's wrist joint jamming up at an inopportune time. Giving Al a morose look, Ed finally agreed and called their childhood friend before they had returned to East City.

An hour and fifteen minutes later, the train finally pulled into the station. Amidst the crowd of departing passengers, they finally made out the young blonde. Winry noticed them at the same time and ran over. She was too distracted to notice Al's quiet "It's good to see you, Winry" as she dropped her bag at their feet, quickly reached for Edward's hand, yanked it forward, and jerked back the sleeve to inspect the damage to her lovely automail while Edward gave an undignified squawk.

"Hmm… the plating is slightly bent and I think you warped the internal coupling. I should have all the parts with me. It'll only take me a few hours to fix." After her assessment she finally looked up. "Oh! Hey, Al, long time no see. You been keeping your _brother_ out of trouble?"

Edward rolled her eyes at Winry's emphasis on the word "brother". They had suffered through a few heated arguments in the past, Winry not really understanding why Edward kept up the whole "boy ruse". Eventually they reached a concession; Winry would stop initiating fights over it, but she would generally give her a hard time about it whenever they were around each other.

Alphonse giggled. "Well, you know how Brother is. I've been doing my best."

"What's that suppose to mean!?" Edward groused.

Winry promptly positioned herself between the two Elric siblings, twirled around to face the same direction as them, and locked her elbows around an arm from each of them. "Well, _boys_, how about you lead me to where I can work on that arm?" Edward picked up Winry's bag and the three of them headed back to the dorms.

* * *

As soon as they had escorted Winry back to their dorm room she practically pounced on Edward to detach the arm. She had it disengaged and disassembled on the desk in the blink of an eye. Alphonse grabbed one of the many library books stashed under his bed and started sifting through its pages, and Edward flopped down on her bed to try to nap.

Three hours later found them in nearly the exact same positions. Al was on his second book, Winry had divided all the minute wrist parts into piles for ones that needed replaced and parts that were fine and had already reassembled half of them, and Edward had woken from her nap and started to think over events from the previous day.

Edward sat up on her bed and crossed her legs. "Winry, will you help me buy a dress?"

There was a clattering sound as the screwdriver formerly in Winry's hand hit the desk and then rolled to the floor. "...buy a _dress_?" She asked askance.

"Yeah. I'm gonna need one and I figured you'd be good at it. You being a girl and all."

"Edward, how many times do I have to point out that you're a girl as well?"

"You know what I mean. You're all girly and such."

Winry made an exasperated sound. "Alright, fine. What's the dress for?"

"Does it matter what the dress is for?" Edward hedged.

"Of course it does. How else am I going to know if it needs to be a casual dress or formal dress or what." She paused, taking in Ed's expression. "Edward Elric, are you _blushing_!?"

"Brother has a date with Colonel Mustang this Friday," Al chimed in.

If Winry thought she felt surprised at Edward asking to go dress shopping of all things, she soon found out that it was nothing compared to the surprise at this news. "Colonel Mustang!? Is this some sort of joke?" She glanced back and forth between Ed and Al. The fact that Edward's blush deepened even further was all the response she needed. "Colonel Mustang… wow. Well, Ed, I must say, I thought you had better standards than that."

"Hey! Don't talk about the bastard that way! He actually helps us out a lot, you know, and I think he actually worries about us too even if he is a fucking bastard."

Following Ed's outburst, Winry just crossed her arms and stared at Edward for a moment, before her lips formed a small smile. "You sound like an idiot. I'll help you pick out a dress for your date. I really hope you know what you're getting into."

"Brother's had a crush on Colonel Mustang since the first time we stepped off the train in Central and saw him use his alchemy to stop a terrorist," Al added.

A loud "AL!" was all the warning he got before his one-armed sister plowed into him to quiet him. Before they had a chance to really get into a sparring match Winry broke them up with a curt "No sparring around the automail parts!" The two Elrics stopped at the scolding, looking abashed, until Edward's stomach gave a loud growl. Winry felt all the irritation at having the parts nearly disorganized evaporate instantly. "You and that stomach of yours. Alright, it's nearly lunch time anyways. How about we take a break and you two show me where the food is."

Edward jumped up from where she was sitting with a loud "Sure!" and ran towards the mess hall, Winry and Alphonse trailing behind.

* * *

Since Edward would be in no state for dress shopping after the reattachment and reactivation of her arm, they decided to put off the excursion until the following day. Al wouldn't let Winry pay for a room at an inn for the night, instead offering his own bed since he never needed sleep anyways. As they filed out of the dorm room the following morning, they saw another soldier in the process of entering his own room. When the soldier saw Winry come out of the dorm room, he gave Edward a wink and two thumbs up. Edward was just about to ask what that was for when Winry groaned and started dragging her quickly down the hallway towards the main gate, cheeks red the whole way.

The trio made their way to the East City market. It was an area spanning a few city blocks that had a concentration of all different types of stores with even a few market stalls set up by vendors along the street. The selection paled in comparison to what could be found in Central, but they didn't have time for a trip. The first two dress shops they went to left them empty handed. Winry turned down every dress she saw for obscure reasons such as "It doesn't hang right" or "The cut is wrong". When they came across an automail shop, Edward had to practically drag Winry out of it. The third dress shop once again provided nothing so the trio decided to take a break for lunch. They bought some sandwiches from a street vendor and leaned up against a shop wall to eat them.

The fourth shop finally provided a dress that met Winry's standards, only to be shot down by Edward. The dress wouldn't cover her automail. The last thing she'd want to do is go on a date with Mustang to protect her secret only to have people see a blonde with an automail arm and leg together with Colonel Mustang and put two and two together, giving away her secret in the process of trying to keep it. The three of them were starting to despair when the fifth shop also proved to be useless. The sixth dress shop finally provided a dress that met Winry's AND Edward's conditions. They nearly hugged the owner of the sixth shop.

Edward clapped and made a small adjustment to the dress. Content with her purchase, she was all ready to head back to the dorms when Winry grabbed her by the collar of her coat to stop her. "We still need to buy accessories," she explained.

"Huh? You mean I can't just buy a dress and be done with it?"

"Silly Brother, even I know you need to at least buy shoes to match a dress," Al said with a giggle.

"But I already have shoes?"

Winry let loose an exasperated sigh. "If I didn't know any better, I'd swear you really were a boy." She pointed at Edward's feet. " Those dirty old boots of yours shouldn't be worn with a dress."

Edward looked down at said boots. "I don't see what's wrong with them, but I'll take your word for it."

The three once again set off to visit more stores. They had much better luck when it came to shoes, finding a pair at the second shop they visited. Winry had decided that standard high-heel shoes probably would be difficult to wear with an automail foot and thus settle on something she called "shoe boots". Edward didn't care what they were called; she was far more interested in the possible height increase she'd get from wearing them. They finished off their shopping spree with a purchase of long black gloves, and then headed back to the dorms to drop off their purchases.

* * *

"Brother, calm down!" It took a lot to make Alphonse lose his temper, but having his sister pace the room for the past few hours was putting him on track for an outburst. Winry had left earlier that morning to take a train back to Resembool, offering a solemn "Good luck" to Edward before she left. Edward had spent the rest of the morning fidgeting and pacing, and it wasn't even noon yet; they still had hours until she had to leave for her date. Al decided something had to be done. He grabbed his sister's hand, and dragged her out to the parade grounds. Despite his sister's insistence that she "didn't feel like sparring" she quickly lost herself into the fight, laughing and goading Al the whole time. They passed the rest of the day like that, with only a quick break for lunch, until eventually Al reminded his sister that she had plans that evening.

The two siblings made their way back to their dorm where Edward quickly showered and then changed into her new outfit. She made Al check the hallway for any witnesses before she hastily left the room and made her way to the main gate. She glanced at the tower clock over the parade grounds once she was out of the dorm building and noticed that in her haste to get ready, she was showing up nearly 20 minutes early. She groaned and prepared herself for the wait.

It felt like an eternity, waiting at the gate listening to the guards' not-so-quiet mumbling to each other asking who the "babe" was, when finally a sleek black car pulled up to the gate, at exactly 7:45.

Roy stepped out of the vehicle, and it took all his self-enforced composure to keep from gaping. He wasn't sure what he had been expecting, but it certainly wasn't this. Edward was wearing an asymmetrical navy blue dress. The neckline of the dress went from under her left arm to being bunched at the top of her right shoulder. A silver flamel brooch holding the fabric in place. A flowing sleeve billowed around her right arm while her left remained bare except for the long matching dark blue gloves she wore on both. The dress hugged her figure until it flared out slightly below her hips. The dress came complete with a slit that reached up to her right thigh. Her golden blonde hair was pulled into a simple high ponytail flowing down her back. If Roy had been harboring any remaining doubts about Edward being a woman, this image completely destroyed them. Roy was half wondering if this wasn't even Edward, until the aureate eyes met his in a familiar glare. Edward strode forward, gave him a curt "Took you long enough, Bastard", and let herself into his car before he even had a chance to open the door for her. Roy couldn't help but laugh. No matter how she looked that was definitely Edward.

Roy shot a quick smug grin over his shoulder when he heard the grumbling of "Of course she'd be here for Mustang" from a guard and hurried over to the driver's seat of the car.

* * *

As Roy drove them to their destination, Edward tried to glance out of the corner of her eye to see what he was wearing. The growing smirk on his face belied that she wasn't as stealthy about her observations as she thought she was, but like hell she was going to let him know she knew he knew. His dress jacket and pants were both black. He was wearing a white button-up dress shirt, and a red silk vest and matching red tie. The ensemble came complete with a red silk handkerchief in the breast pocket of the jacket and silver cufflinks sporting a stylized flame design. She had to admit, he looked good_._ _But then, he'd probably look good in anything he wore. _She then spent the rest of the car ride trying to imagine anything that Roy wouldn't look good wearing, attempting to cover her laughing and ending up making it sound more like snorting, to the utter confusion of Roy who could only guess what was going through her head.

Edward was interrupted in her musings as she felt the car pull over and stop. She glanced up to see they were in front of a building. The sign proclaiming the name of the establishment to be Le Roi D'Incendie. A boy about her own age wearing a suit ran toward the car, giving her a bewildered look as she opened the door and stepped out before he reached it. Roy came around the car and tossed his keys to the boy and the boy gave him a piece of paper in exchange. Roy came up beside Edward, locked his arm around her left elbow, and steered her to the entrance of the restaurant.

* * *

**-x-**

* * *

-Author's Note-

Edward, Edward, Edward, not _everything_ is a challenge.

I'm sorta worried everyone takes everything a bit too well in this chapter, but I just can't imagine Roy being the type to truly freak out over anything, at least externally or for very long (seriously, just look how he handled the end of Brotherhood), and Edward's response would be either just take it as it comes and keep moving forward, or totally freak out over-the-top because he doesn't seem like the type to simply fret. Since it was Al she couldn't get angry at him.

By the way, the whole "Mustang blackmails Edward into going on a date with him" is the entire reason of this story. It was the plot idea that birthed the rest of it. Which is also why this chapter took me a bit longer to write. I didn't really plan anything past that point.

And fair warning, the next chapter may take me a good while to write. I figure the first date is a pretty big deal so it'll probably take a lot of thinking, writing, and rewriting until I finally decide I don't hate it too much and am willing to subject it to the views of the public.


	5. Chapter 4 - The Date

Rating: T

Stuff: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist

Warnings: Language

* * *

Chapter 4

_The Date_

As they reached the entrance of the restaurant, Roy Mustang quickly let go of her arm to hold open the door for her. Edward just paused taking in the sight.

"What? Think I can't open a door?"

Roy resisted rolling his eyes but his smile grew marginally larger. "It's tradition. Just go with it."

Edward on the other hand _did_ roll her eyes, but she gave no other complaint as she walked through the entered into a brightly lit but somewhat small hallway leading up to a maître d' stand. The tuxedo-wearing man quickly came over to greet them. "Ah, Monsieur Mustang! It's good to see you again! Your table is ready. Follow me please."

As they left the main hallway, the lighting became noticeably dimmer. The tables were surrounded on three sides by walls, with a half wall placed on the fourth side, far enough away from the tables to provide easy access, but also obscuring the view of the other tables once seated. The whole restaurant was made up of dark brown woods with red, orange, and yellow accent items. The top of the half wall even had fire running along it. A dark stone was lining the top of the half wall, protecting it from the fire, and the fire itself was on top of small rocks of the same type of stone and had an open-top glass case running the length of the fire to allow viewing while preventing accidental burns. They were led to a corner table. The booth seats had bright red cushions and the dim light hanging above the table had an orange cover.

The maître d' left soon after they were seated. Edward glanced over at Roy. "So, Bas- Mustang," she quickly caught herself, "how often do you come here for the maître d' to recognise you like that?"

Roy smirked. "Fullmetal, that isn't a proper first date discussion topic."

She raised an eyebrow. "Fullmetal? You're going to call me Fullmetal on a date?"

"Well, what should I call you? I don't even know your real name yet."

Before she had a chance to respond a waiter brought them menus and took their drink and appetiser orders. As soon as he left she turned back to Roy. "Edward _is_ my real name. That's the name my mom gave me."

Roy just gave her a disbelieving stare.

Edward laughed at his expression. "Yeah, let's just say my mom had a few _unique_ parenting ideas. She was the one who gave me a boy's name. It certainly didn't help me much when I was younger."

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't exactly just one day decide to pretend to be a boy. I use to think I _actually was_ a boy."

"Ok, I am definitely going to have to hear the rest of this story."

Edward chuckled. "Nosey bastard, aren't you? Well, when I was younger the only other girl I knew was Winry so I started to think that all girls were like Winry. Let me tell you, Winry was a major crybaby back then. She'd cry when we'd find a dead bird. She'd cry when she skinned her knee. She even cried the first time we showed her alchemy! She cried over _everything_. So, since I wasn't a crybaby like she was, I just started to think that meant I must not be a girl. Believe me, having a boy's name just convinced me even more of this conclusion. Of course I eventually learned the truth, but by then I was already use to thinking that way."

Their conversation was interrupted once again by the arrival of the waiter. He placed a glass of wine in front of Roy and gave Edward her soda. He then presented the appetiser, a cheese course that was set on fire before being placed on the table. As the rest of the alcohol on the cheese burned off, he took their entrée and dessert orders. Since Ed hadn't even read her menu, she just ordered the same thing Roy did.

As soon as the waiter left, Roy jumped back into the conversation. "So that's why you've let the entire Amestrian military think you're male?"

"When you came to visit us that time back when you were a Lieutenant Colonel to try to recruit us for the military, I could tell you mistook me for a boy. I figured that being a male in the military seemed like it would be easier than being a female, and I didn't know if females were even allowed to become State Alchemists since I'd never even heard of one. So I just ran with it and decided to pretend I was a boy. I was already such a tomboy that people constantly mistook me for a boy anyways; I figured it wouldn't be that hard." She gave a disparaging smile. "Of course, I was also a rash 12 year old at the time and hadn't really thought through what would happen if I didn't find a way to fix Al's body right away. Hadn't thought about what I would do once people started to expect the 'boy' to hit puberty and turn into a 'man'. A young girl pretending to be a young boy is much easier to pull off than a woman pretending to be a man."

Roy didn't really know what to say to that so the conversation lapsed. They silently ate the cheese appetiser with the little flat pieces of bread provided until their entrées eventually arrived. She looked down at the thick-cut grilled steak and her mouth started to water, but she gave a distrusting look toward the green… things that were also on the plate. _Is that asparagus?_ She and Al had been in charge of their own meals for years now, and they both had an unspoken agreement to avoid anything green. She decided she just wasn't going to eat them and then quickly dug into the steak. As the meal progressed, a sense of awkwardness slowly crept into the atmosphere at the lack of conversation topics. She glanced up to see Roy neatly cutting the asparagus into bite-sized pieces. _What do I even talk about with him? All I do is look for ways to get Al's body back, but he hears all about that in my mission reports._ She stared at her plate as she mindlessly pushed the asparagus around with her fork.

"You really should eat those."

His sudden voice actually startled her. "I don't want to."

One of Roy's patented smirks graced his face. "Avoiding eating vegetables may be why you're so small."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT AN ANT COULD EASILY STEP OVER THEM!?"

Roy just laughed, but quickly tried to compose his features as a waiter ran over to see what the problem was. He smiled politely at the waiter. "Sorry, my companion here is just very excitable. Just ignore her." Once the waiter was placated and left, he glanced back at her, and started laughing again. She had started stuffing the asparagus in her mouth as fast as possible. "Edward, if you eat like that you're going to choke."

At hearing Roy say her name for the first time instead of 'Fullmetal', Edward actually did choke. She waved off his help as she coughed, and she hoped she wasn't blushing.

The waiter interrupted them once again to bring them their dessert. It was a large pot of chocolate with some sort of heating unit at the bottom. The waiter also placed a tray of assorted fruits and other sweets on the table next to the pot. Edward's eyes grew wide taking in the sight of something she had never seen before. Without hesitation Roy picked up what seemed to be a long thin metal spike with a wooden handle and used it to spear a strawberry. He smoothly dipped the strawberry in the chocolate and brought it up to his mouth to eat it. Edward scrambled to follow his lead, but in her haste the strawberry fell off the skewer into the pot of chocolate. She gave it a forlorn look. Roy chuckled at her expression, and speared the escapee strawberry with his own skewer, offering it across the table to her. She glanced up at him and her eyes took on an impish glint before she leaned forward to eat the strawberry off the skewer as he held it, instead of taking it from his hand as he probably meant. They proceeded to finish off the tray of fruits and other sweets, laughing when one or the other had to fish out their chocolate covered item from the pot. A few times purposely knocking off the other's item to be lost into the pot of chocolate. She was having so much fun with the dipping chocolate that she didn't even notice the lack of conversation topics anymore. _I am so going to have to have Al try this sometime._

Eventually the tray was empty and Roy paid their bill. The pair made their way outside, where the young boy from earlier took the piece of paper from Roy and quickly retrieved his car. Edward had thought that would be the end of the date and thus was surprised when she realised they weren't heading back to the dorms. _Is he taking me back to his place __**without even asking**__? He better not be because I'm pretty sure he likes certain parts of his anatomy staying attached. _Before long they pulled into a parking lot of a building that did not seem to be residential. Her curiosity finally got the better of her and she enquired, "What's this?"

"It's a cigar lounge and game parlour." He led her into the building. Placed haphazardly over the slate tile flooring were well-worn yet comfortable-seeming leather lounge chairs accompanied with small tables topped with ashtrays. A large bar was positioned along one wall and she eyed the assortment of colored bottles lining the wall behind it. Also situated around the room were game tables. She recognised card tables and billiard tables, but there was a third type of table she was unfamiliar with. As soon as they walked in, Roy greeted the man behind the bar.

"Ah, Mustang, nice ta see ya, and who is this sweet little thing you're with?"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A MINUSCULE LITTLE PIPSQUEAK!?"

The barkeep let loose a boisterous laugh. "That one's a bit of a spitfire, ain't she?"

Roy gave an amused sounding sigh. "You could say that again, Jon. So, we're good for the evening?"

Jon walked around the bar and headed toward them. "Yep yep. Let me just lock up the door here and then I'll be heading to the back office to work on the books. You'll have the place all to yerselves for the next two hours like ya asked." He then proceeded to do just as he said.

Edward glanced skeptically around the room. "You bring all your dates here?"

Roy spoke over his shoulder as he started to head towards the bar. "Actually, you're the first one. Thought you may actually enjoy this." He pulled three objects from behind the bar. One seemed to be a small ball and the two others were small wooden paddles. "Oh, and I had Jon close down the place for the evening so you don't have to worry about saying something that gives away your secret or anything. You can relax here."

"But what about Jon?"

"Oh, don't worry about him. He's on my secret payroll. This place is a pretty popular hangout for the other officers, and you'd be surprised the things people say when they've had a bit of liquor. I pay him to pass along any interesting things he hears. Him and I go way back actually. He use to be in the military. He left not long after the Ishval rebellion."

Roy's eyes gained a slightly distant look to them. Edward decided she didn't like that look and promptly changed the subject. "So what are those for?" She pointed at the things Roy had grabbed from behind the bar.

"These are for table tennis," he said with a grin as he walked over to one of the tables Edward couldn't identify. As she walked over to the table as well, he tossed one of the paddles to her. "Now, the game actually has rules, but I find it more fun to just try to return the ball back and forth. You have to hit the ball so that it bounces at least once on the opponent's side of the table, and if they fail to return the ball, the other gains a point. Sound simple enough?"

She grinned. "Bring it on, old man."

* * *

Edward was trying, she really was, but Roy was slowly and steadily gaining a lead on her. She would lunge after the tiny ball to hit it with her wooden paddle but would often find it just barely out of reach, while it seemed Roy was having much less of a problem returning the ball back to her. _It is NOT because I'm short! He just has freakishly long arms! _An impish glint shined in her eyes. _Well, if he's going to cheat by being a giant, then it's only fair if I cheat too, right?_

The next time Roy hit the ball to her side of the table angled to be out of her reach, instead of trying her best to catch it, she swiftly clapped and placed her hands on the tile floor. Blue lightning crackled and a thin rectangular object shot up from the floor blocking the little ball's path, forcing it to bounce back towards her and she promptly hit it with her paddle to send it vaulting to Roy's side of the table. She let out a cheer when he missed returning it.

As he walked back from retrieving the ball, he gave her an inquisitive look. "So we're using alchemy now? You sure you want to do that?"

She just grinned back at him. "Sure! Why not? Now we'll be even!"

"Just remember, you started it," Roy replied while smirking.

Edward readied herself as Roy prepared to serve the ball. She was watching it head towards her side of the table when she heard a distinctive snap sound and instinctively ducked. A small orb of fire flew past the area her head had just vacated, and the small table tennis ball landed limply on the floor and rolled under one of the lounge chairs. As she walked over to the chair to retrieve the ball she could hear Roy's smug voice call, "I believe that's another point for me."

As soon as she served the ball, she once again quickly clapped and placed her hands on the tile flooring. As Roy was readying to hit the ball, a small hole opened up in the floor under one of his feet, causing him to lose balance. She grimaced as it seemed the foot hit at an odd angle, but since he proceeded to start laughing as he hurried after the lost ball she figured it was fine. "What was that about another point," she taunted puckishly.

The game continued as such. Edward using her alchemy to bounce the ball back to herself or prevent Roy from being able to reach the ball, and Roy using his alchemy to constantly make her have to take time to dodge attacks, or destroying her blockades allowing the ball to proceed in it's intended trajectory instead of bouncing back for her to easily return it. It was after nearly 2 hours of this that Jon returned to the room. "Wha' the hell happened in here!?" Edward and Roy froze and then glanced around the room. There were holes and blockades, some of which were reduced to rubble, everywhere in the floor, and scorch marks littered around the room. Edward figured they didn't look much better. She knew she had a cut under her left eye, and the end of her ponytail was charred. Roy had a tear in the sleeve of his white dress shirt just over his bicep and presented a slight limp whenever he walked. The pair looked at each other and promptly broke out laughing.

Roy was the first to regain his composure. "Edward, can you fix the place up while I put away the equipment?"

Edward just shrugged and proceeded to start using alchemy to revert everything back to it's original state. She also hunted down where her shoes had ended up and grabbed Roy's suit jacket from where it had been draped over a chair.

After the room was put mostly back to normal, Jon passed a critical eye over everything. "Well, I guess tha's good enough. Smells like burnt leather in here but dun think ya can do anything about that, can ya?" He glanced over his shoulder to where Roy was placing the paddles back behind the bar, and yelled in a teasing tone, "Next time ya wanna rent my place, give me a heads up if it's for a date or to try ta kill someone." He laughed at his own comment.

Roy took his jacket from Edward and situated it back on his person. Edward had a contemplative look on her face. As Roy started to head toward the door, Ed called, "Wait. Who won?"

Roy glanced over his shoulder at her. "You don't know?"

She gave a sheepish look. "I lost count somewhere in the middle of that."

"Well then let's call it a draw," Roy declared while offering his arm for her to grab on to.

Edward hesitated just a moment, one eyebrow raised while staring at the offered appendage, trying to decide if she should pretend to be offended at his assumption that she would want to grab his arm, before locking her arm around his and following him back to his car.

* * *

This time Roy seemed to be driving the car back in the direction of the dorms, and Edward started to wonder how things would continue from there. If she was honest with herself, she had to admit that she had actually enjoyed the evening, but while it seemed Roy had enjoyed the evening so far as well, she really wasn't sure how he planned to end it.

Roy pulled the black car to the side of the road in front of the main gate. As Edward stepped out of the car, Roy also stepped out and headed over to her. He caught up and started to walk alongside her as she headed back to the dorms. Edward stopped and gave him a mild glare. "I'm not going to get lost from here to there you know."

He gave a smile halfway between a simple grin and his regular smirk. "This is tradition as well."

She rolled her eyes but let him continue to walk alongside her. _Is there anything else that's tradition that hasn't happened yet? Didn't Al say something about dates ending in kisses? Is he going to kiss me!? _She glanced over at Roy from the corner of her eye trying to decide what her opinion was on him kissing her. She could feel herself blush.

The pair eventually made it to the main door granting access to the dorms within and they both paused to face each other.

Roy seemed to hesitate just a moment before finally settling on a smile and a simple, "Good night, Edward," before turning to head back to his car.

Edward just gave an open-mouth stare to his back. _He's not even going to try to kiss me? Aren't dates __**suppose**__ to end in a kiss? …Am I not good enough to kiss?_ She shook that last thought from her mind. _Bastard just doesn't know any better!_ "Hey, Bastard!"

Roy stopped halfway to the car and turned to see Edward running up to him. Before he even had a chance to ask what this was about, she had caught up to him and quickly grabbed his tie to yank him forward. "You forgot something." And she pressed her lips to his.

_She's kissing me? Edward is actually kissing me? _As Roy stood there while Edward held her lips to him, he realised one thing. _Heh. Kid doesn't know how to kiss._ He reached one hand around to place it on her lower back and eagerly showed her how it was done.

Edward was the first to break the kiss, slightly breathless and blushing furiously. She couldn't quite meet his eyes as she said, "There. Couldn't have you saying that it wasn't a real date and that I didn't fulfill my end of the bargain based on some technicality like it didn't end with a kiss."

Roy chuckled. "You think I'd pull something like that?"

Edward glared at him. "Of course! A bastard like you would definitely try to use an underhanded trick like that! Probably to force me into yet another date with you!"

Roy smirked. "You're saying I wouldn't be able to get you to go on another date with me otherwise? I guess I'm slipping." He gently placed a hand on her chin, tilting it up slightly. "I'll have to remedy that." He slowly leaned in and pressed his lips to hers anew. He eventually pulled back enough to move his mouth near her ear and whispered, "Sweet dreams, Edward." Roy Mustang then took a step back and headed to his car, smirking the whole way.

* * *

**-x-**

* * *

-Author's Note-

Sorry about how long this one took. I was all worried about trying to make this chapter good so I did what any mature, responsible adult would do... procrastinated. *sweatdrop* Hopefully it was at least somewhat worth the wait. I wanted the second half of the date scene to be longer but I apparently suck at fight choreography. :(

A bit of researching told me that ping pong was a popular pastime in early 1900s Europe, and since Amestris is vaguely based on 1900s Europe I figured it'd make an interesting date.

I have no idea what the real rules for ping pong are. The rules Roy uses are the ones I've always used. I figure the real rules are probably more complex (and probably more boring).

Also, I decided to change Edward's dress color from black to dark blue. Not really an important change but I wanted to do it anyways. Since I had Roy wearing red & black, if I had Edward wear blue I'd totally have a color swap theme going, so I went back and changed it.


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